Saturday, July 25, 2015

Alysa Suguro Bathrich (aka Noel) Comes Clean

I want to thank Elle from for the idea for today’s story.

In shocking news tonight, the FBI arrested Alysa Suguro Bathrich working as an IRS agent using the fake name Noel. Ms. Bathrich has a long criminal record she hid from the government. She used her position to force innocent businessmen into gender transformations to fill her private brothel. It is estimated over $22 million of unreported income was earned by Bathrich’s illicit business.

A recent victim, Maynard (last name withheld to protect the innocent), was turned into Bathrich’s highest earning victim, gyrating close to a $3 million before Bathrich’s arrest and shutting down of the brothel. Maynard, calling herself Tina, seems resigned to his life as a call girl. “It’s not what I guessed I’d be, but I earn more now than I did running my contracting business,” Maynard, aka Tina said.

As if this story isn’t bizarre enough, another twist was revealed this afternoon. Alysa Bathrich’s DNA and fingerprints matched those of Sydney Punk. It appears Bathrich started out as a prostitute herself after his own gender reassignment and branched out to increase her income. (Try and keep track of that.) This reporter asks: Are there any men left who haven’t had a gender reassignment?

There is no word from the IRS on how Bathrich managed the vetting process prior to hiring. The IRS spokesman said the IRS would comment on this fantastic story when they finish making the Star Trek video they are working on.


  1. I love your little jab at the star trek video, that was cringy.